we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
