I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
