you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
