I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
