We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
