I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
only you would photoshop your dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
