Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
