i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
