She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
