i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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