I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
