is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
