got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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