Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
