Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm at about main and main street
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
