I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
