Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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