went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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