The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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