MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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