We won't sleep together?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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