he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
