I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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