How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
