Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
