Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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