69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
