Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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