True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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