First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
