we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
