She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
