this beer tastes like vomit already
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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