I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
