I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
