Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
