I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
