I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
