You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
