Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
