Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Barsexuality is the new black.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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