wanna go halves on a baby?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
