420 ftw
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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