quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
