Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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