i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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