im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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