Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
