Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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