But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
