You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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