worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
