Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
